24-year-old refuses to risk her career for her reckless brother, standing her ground against her parents’ pressure: ‘He’s 28 and literally is the most careless person in this world’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 20, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

If you ask me, this 24-year-old deserves some kind of standing-your-ground medal. Her entire family seems to live by two mottos: better sorry than safe and always involve family in business. But she's not having it. She's got the rare mix of backbone and boundaries that most people don't develop until they've had a breakdown and a bill pile to match. After years of grinding for a decent job, her parents want her to throw her brother a professional lifeline. The same brother who yells, mooches, and treats job applications like optional homework.  

It's not uncommon to see these kinds of communal view of someone's achievements - it's like success never really belongs to the person who earned it, it belongs to the family committee. The moment you prove you can swim, everyone starts sending you their favorite drowners. The 24-year-old refuses to risk her reputation for someone who's already proved allergic to effort. Her parents call it selfish, but really it's self-preservation disguised as common sense. Because nothing ruins a good job faster than dragging in a relative who still believes "work ethic" is a myth made up by morning people. 

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  • AITA for refusing to refer my brother to my workplace even though my parents are upset?

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  • I (24F) work in a high paying job that I got through a friends referral. I worked very very hard to get here.
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  • I started applying like nuts after my graduation and worked since my graduation which is around 3 years.
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  • I took this time to groom myself and become independent. I am the youngest of all my siblings.
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  • My dad has been out of a job for couple of years and it has been very mentally taxing on us since he was the sole bread winner.
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  • I sometimes treat my siblings out to food and entertainment (despite being youngest) and I do that because I want to eat food, and I have to order it for them too because otherwise it seems unkind and selfish (even if the bill racks up 3x..) My oldest brother (28M) just finished his bachelor's after many years.
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  • He has no experience, doesn't apply anywhere, and spends most of his time playing games. He's also verbally abusive to me and often disrespects our parents.
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  • Recently my mom and dad asked me to refer my brother to my job since it does not require a lot of experience and is mostly contact-based.
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  • She said that since someone referred me, I should do the same for him. She's clearly hurt that I hesitated, but I'm reluctant because: 1.
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  • My brother is 28 and literally is the most careless person in this world. He has made no efforts for himself.
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  • 2. He is very verbally abusive when things don't go his way and I just don't want to share professional space with him Ive literally tried helping him for 2 months to apply for jobs.
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  • I even created an email account and applied to all sorts of places but no luck.
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  • I created the CV too. Still, I feel awful because my parents are heartbroken and think I'm being selfish.
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  • I love them deeply and understand their worry, but I just can't bring myself to risk my reputation for someone who doesn't even try.
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  • AITA for saying no? edit: maybe (MAYBE) he can do a good job, but I am mostly mad at how he treats me.
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  • and gosh, I just.. feel awful about it.
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  • She’s doing what most people are too polite to try: drawing a line between career and chaos. In a world where loyalty is supposed to mean sacrificing stability, she’s choosing the radical alternative of taking care of herself first. Family might call it pride. The rest of us call it survival. Some people break the generational curse. Others just keep emailing their siblings’ résumés. She picked the right side.

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family drama boss inheritance workplace-stories employment-discussion brother mother tradition siblings work favoritism workplace work-life balance sister Father
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